The Hardest Work in the World - to be who you already are

The simple medicine that fixes all, but may be hard to swallow - Self Acceptance

The hardest work in the world is not fixing yourself. It is not becoming better, brighter, calmer, thinner, wiser or more spiritually evolved. The hardest work is to be who you already are.

Mindfulness has been teaching me this slowly, gently, and sometimes inconveniently over the years. I remember as a young 11 year old girl starting highschool, being really anxious about fitting in, finding new friends and being accepted. I thought that if I got a really short haircut with a rat's tail, then the other kids would think I was really cool and want to hang out with me. In hindsight, the reality was that they were all quite intimidated by my 'tough' look, and as a result I found it difficult to make any new friends at all for quite a while. I was trying to be a version of myself that I thought others would accept, and instead of just showing up as I was and trusting that I would naturally attract friends with similar interests and energies, I wasn't being true to myself. I was trying to be something I wasn't, and it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

Thankfully it took about as long as it did for my hair to grow out, for me to slowly create some genuine friendships that were based not on how I looked, but how I made people feel around me and the genuine interractions I had. It was my first real lesson on the importance of being authentic - having the courage to just be me, and risk being disliked. And I'm sure this is why I chose to study mindfulness later in life!

A key foundation of mindfulness is not only to be aware of the present moment, but to also be accepting of whatever arises without judging it. To allow things to be just as they are, to come and go naturally without trying to force, fix, judge or change in any way. This includes all outer and inner phenomena, including physical sensations, thoughts and emotions. In other words, to learn to let go of control and simply trust in the natural flow of life, bad haircuts and all! But another layer of mindfulness that isn't often talked about is self-acceptance. Learning to discern whether that inner critic, the voice that is often painfully blunt and often speaking through the lens of fear (in my case, fear of rejection) is perhaps the hardest part to develop.

While presence invites us to stop running - from discomfort, from emptiness, from sticky emotions, from other people and most of all from ourselves, acceptance opens the door to cultivating authentic relationships, and most importantly with ourself.

I often ask myself why is it so hard for us humans to just pause the endless judging and arrive right here, inside this breath, this body, this moment, this space of emptiness, to accept our supposed shortcomings and imperfections, and just Be - not who we think we should be, but who we actually are already?

This week in my yoga classes I shared a quote by Guillaume Apollinaire that feels deeply connected to this remembering:

"Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness, and just be happy.”

And I would go even further to say… it's good to pause and just Be. And if happiness naturally arises as a result, fantastic!

To simply Be is surprisingly radical. It asks us to replace judgement with curiosity. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” we might gently wonder, “What’s here right now?” In that wondering, something softens. Awareness becomes less about control and more about kindness acceptance and compassion. Our willingness to greet things just as they are becomes the meditation and indeed the medicine itself, and in the process of surrendering to the simple acceptance of what is, the suffering that results form the constant pushing and pulling naturally dissolves.

Authenticity isn’t something we manufacture. It’s something we uncover.

It requires courage - to be honest, to feel fully, to stop performing versions of ourselves that no longer fit. It also asks for boundaries: with others, yes, but just as importantly with ourselves. Boundaries that say, I don’t have to push. I don’t have to rush. I don’t have to abandon myself.

Daoist wisdom speaks beautifully to this way of living through the principle of wu wei - often translated as “effortless action” or “non-forcing.” It doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means living in alignment with what is natural, true, and essential. Like water flowing around a rock, there is great strength in simplicity, humility, and ease. When we stop forcing life, life often meets us more fully.

Self-compassion is the soil in which this all grows. Without it, mindfulness becomes another task to get right. With it, acceptance becomes a refuge. We learn to sit with what’s uncomfortable, not to fix it, but to just listen.

As the old saying reminds us: "No mud, no lotus."

Our growth doesn’t happen despite our messiness, it happens because we are willing to stay present with it.

Jon Kabat-Zinn writes about this beautifully in his book: "Mindfulness for Beginners - reclaiming the present moment— and your life", reminding us that becoming fully ourselves is not a quick project or a self-improvement plan. It is a lifelong calling that no one else can do for us. We take this path only if we care deeply, deeply enough to live a life that is true, that is meaningful and authentic. Just as it is.

And perhaps this is the heart of the practice, the simple medicine of mindfulness if we choose to swallow : not changing who we are, but trusting ourselves enough to come home.

In the words of Oscar Wilde,

Be yourself; everyone else is taken

If you would like to dive a little deeper into the beautiful practice of mindfulness, and to learn how to live a more peaceful life of awareness, please reach out. We will be running small group sharing and meditation circles, as well as a series of Day Retreats this year in the Noosa hinterland area. Please reply by email if you are interested to learn more - info.sundariwellbeing@gmail.com

We hope to see you on the mat in Kin Kin & Pomona if you are in the Noosa hinterland...at the usual times, but maybe not in the usual way!

Remember, every breath is an invitation to begin again, and move in the direction of peace.

With love & peaceful blessings,

Sundãri & Shivatree✨️🙏🏼✨️

(Danielle & Tony)

Ps. If you'd like to explore Yoga, Mindfulness, Ayurveda, Qigong, Sound therapy or energy healing with us, please reach out by replying to this email. We work individually or in groups, both in person or remotely from anywhere in the world.